Selina Marcille

Short Story Featured in the 12 Days of Book-Club-Mas: Vol IV from Once Upon a Book Club

One.  Kathy Fox was down to a single box she had to finish going through.  It had taken weeks, but here she was, finally almost done.  The boxes, slowly brought down from the attic over the course of the past 18 months, had hovered over her head like a ghostly specter- because that’s what they were.  The final memories of her husband were packed away in those boxes, taped shut with care by a man who had a plan for everything and wanted to remember every moment.

Having a heart attack wasn’t part of the plan– especially not at their family celebration of 25 years of marriage.  Dave Fox sat down after giving a toast to his wife and didn’t get back up again.  All those years of rich Italian food had hit him where he least expected.

Kathy ran her finger over the line of tape across the top of the box.  Dave’s clear hand had labeled it “Fox Family Memories.”  This was the box she had saved for last.  She had been able to go through the boxes of the artwork from the kids, the clothes he saved just in case neon ever became popular again, the handwritten files for all his clients, folders full of participation certificates and awards, and the boxes and boxes of photos.  But she knew what she would find in this box and wasn’t quite sure she was ready for it. 

She began carefully peeling the corner of the tape, unwilling to tear any part of his neat script.  She pulled carefully, folding the tape onto itself so it wouldn’t stick to the clean comforter. 

The bedroom had been made up especially for their daughter, Elizabeth, and her boyfriend, Jake.  Her upstairs childhood bedroom wouldn’t work, and Kathy was past making them sleep in separate rooms.  After all, Liz was 23 and finishing grad school in May.  Kathy suspected Jake might have an important question he would be asking soon.  She had hoped they could talk about it at this visit.

She looked out the window at the snow squall.  She could never tell if it was fresh or just the tornado of flakes pulled off the frozen branches from the wind.  The late afternoon sun was hitting just the right time of day where it shone down across the icing landscape giving it an almost fairy tale feel.  But a fairy tale would mean a happy ending, and Kathy would be ringing in the new year alone.

A message had come through the previous night in the group chat between her, Liz, and her son, Carter.

CARTER: This snowstorm is the WORST. 

LIZ: Don’t be dramatic, C.  It’s not THE worst, but it is pretty bad.  Mom- all of the flights out of Chicago are canceled.  They keep bumping us to new ones.

CARTER: To new ones in four days.  We were only home for six!  I think we’re going to have to hole up at Jake’s house until them.

MOM: I just want you both safe.  Whenever you get here, we’ll have a great time.

CARTER: Van just checked and even the backup flights have been canceled.  They expect this storm to last a few days.

LIZ: Jake’s calling his dad to see what he can do.

LIZ: No luck.  His dad says all flights are grounded until after the new year.  I’m sorry, Mom.  I don’t think we’re going to make it during this break.

CARTER: ☹ Can we at least video chat for the drop?

            That last text had hit Kathy hard in the gut.  It was a family tradition to spend the new year together.  They had never missed the countdown.  Even when Carter was keeling over from a stomach virus when he was 16, he had stood with them to shout “10… 9…. 8…” and proceeded to ring in the new year kissing the toilet. 

But her kids were growing up.  Carter could drink now.  And he was even bringing home a boyfriend.  Soon he’d be graduating too.  They’d both be moving on with the next great thing in their life: finding a job, raising a family, and building homes for them to grow old in.  Kathy wasn’t sure what her place was now.

            “Oh, Dave,” she sighed as she pulled back the flaps on the box.  “What do I do next?”

            She reached into the box without looking.  She wanted to feel what she was in for.  And it wasn’t the pile of papers and overstuffed envelopes she was expecting.  The first thing she felt and pulled out was… a seashell.  She stuck her head over the opening and was surprised to see a bowl of shells looking back at her. 

            The one she held was a spiral conch.  It shone pink, white, and orange over the bumpy edge.  Kathy held it up to her ear and sure enough, she could hear the ocean.  As she pulled it away, she noticed writing on the bottom.  A bit had smudged, but she could make out enough.  “Cozumel. 1995.”  Immediately, she was brought back to the beaches of Mexico.  It was the first spring break of her freshmen year of college, and she was about to turn 19.  She, Dave, and a group of their friends had booked the trip through a shady travel agency that had stuck flyers around campus.  The splashy fonts and bright colors had captured Kathy’s attention right away. 

            “We should book it,” she coaxed her friends over lunch in the cafeteria. 

Michelle was pawing through her bag for her science textbook.  Wade coughed on a bite of pasta that was too big.  Ashley looked at her boyfriend, Kyle, and shrugged noncommittally.  But Dave on the other hand… he grabbed the flyer from Kathy.

“This would be great.  And they have special pricing for groups larger than 5.”  He tossed his head and his golden hair fanned out across his forehead like a lion’s mane.  He was king of their table and everyone knew it. 

Wade took a long drag from his cup and, with his eyebrows arched, asked, “What’s the drinking age in Mexico?”

Everyone was hooked.  They called the number on the flyer and had official spring break plans.  Kathy’s excitement only waned a bit when she saw the tiny airplane they would be flying in for their connecting flight.  But she clutched Dave’s hand and stared out the window in awe as the white beaches of the Mexican coast finally came into view.

The resort was a motel, at best, with pilly comforters and scuttling roaches who disliked sharing the bathroom.  But it had good beach frontage and she and Dave got a room to themselves, a huge bonus for the trip.  One night, while they were taking a walk along the beach, Kathy was loving the feel of the sand as it moved between her toes.  Her dress blew lightly in the wind, but it was Dave that kept her heart racing.  They’d been friends since third grade and started dating in eighth.  Yet somehow, he kept surprising her.

He bent down and plucked a shell from the water.  Still on one knee, he handed it to her.  “What do you think?”

She’d been looking out across the water, enjoying the interplay of the blue and yellows across the surface.  She took the shell and felt how smooth it was.  Then she saw what was inside. 

The gold band was simple.  It had a small center stone that sparkled brighter than the setting sun on the waves. 

“Is there a question that goes along with this shell?” she asked, hardly able to breathe. 

He grinned, his eyes flashing.  “Kat, you know how I feel about you.  Ever since you cut off my rat tail when we were 8, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you.”

“That rat tail needed to go and you know it,” she said, her eyes shining.

Dave laughed.  “You always keep me on my toes.  And I hope you always will.  Will you marry me?”

She flung herself into his arms, her dark hair splaying out behind her.  She didn’t need to say yes- the answer was in her kiss.

After that trip, they only ever took vacations at the ocean.  They made sure to find a shell unique to that trip, and she had never known where they’d gone after they were shoved into their overfull suitcases for the trip home.  Kathy hadn’t realized Dave had saved them.  And she had no idea he had saved that shell.  She had dropped it after she put on the ring and hadn’t given it another thought.    

She inhaled deeply.  She could almost smell the salt air of the ocean.  She fingered the clam shells from Maine, the sand dollar from California, the shark’s eye moon from Florida, and the rare Scotch Bonnet that Liz had found washed up in South Carolina.  All with locations and a date.

The pain that Kathy expected didn’t come.  She had been someone on those trips.  She had scraped and saved to make them happen yearly.  She had worked with travel agents at first to plan out the best trip they could afford.  Once she was able to get AOL in the house, she had taken to combing for deals online and packed as much into every trip that she could.  And when they were there, everything else fell away.  She got to be fully engaged with her kids, with Dave, and with herself.  She didn’t need to worry about her job at the town office whether or not a yard sale permit had been processed or if the renewal car registrations had gone out on time. 

Maybe she should plan another beach trip.  Jake and Van could come so that Liz and Carter wouldn’t spend the trip glued to their phones.  Sure, both kids were starting off their own lives and may not think a beach vacation with their mom was perfect, but maybe they’d go for it.  They could at least try to revive a tradition that had died with her husband.

But the ocean was Dave.  He had said that when he died, he wanted to be scattered in the ocean so that whenever they were at a beach anywhere in the world, he would be with them.  When he said it on the trip four years earlier, Kathy didn’t think he had expected it to be so soon. 

A widow at 43.  That was two years ago.  She needed a reset.  She had spent the past two years going through the motions.  Once Dave was gone, she realized how much of her identity had been wrapped up in him.  After dropping out of college twelve credits shy of her degree to have Liz, Kathy hadn’t considered herself.  Not really.  And that was 23 years ago.

Sue, now she did yoga sometimes.  She was friendly with her neighbors.  She found herself chatting more and more with Andrew from next door.  His wife had passed away several years earlier.  Twice last week she went over there for coffee and spent hours chatting.  He had great insight that helped her begin to process Dave’s death.  It didn’t hurt that he was so handsome.

But maybe she needed something specific- a purpose.  A beach trip could be a good place to start.  She sat cross legged on the bed and reached for her phone.  She felt a bit like a teenage version of herself, remembering sitting in the same position surrounded by Tiger Beat posters and talking for hours on the phone about everything and nothing. 

Carter notoriously hated talking on the phone, so she started with Liz.  She punched the number and the phone rang.  If the blizzard was as bad as they projected, she hoped the cell towers wouldn’t be down.  She thought she’d been able to hide her disappointment from the kids, but she’d been looking forward to this visit so much.  She had hoped for ridiculous winter sweaters, catching up by the fire, and steaming mugs of hot chocolate as they decorated cookies.  But not this year.  The light shifted as a storm cloud moved across the sky.  The snow squalls had stopped, but it was only a matter of time before the blizzard hit.  Maybe hearing Liz and Carter’s voice would lessen how much she missed them. 

As the phone buzzed in Kathy’s ear, she reached into the box.  There was a lump of white cotton with stripes of blue and pink.  As she pulled it out, more recognition dawned as she saw the name cards attached.  There were two blankets, one for each Liz and Carter.  These were the blankets they used when they first brought them home from the hospital. 

“That man…” Kathy whispered, trying to hold back the swell of emotion.  This was yet another thing she hadn’t realized he had saved.  She almost laughed.  He had died 2 years, 5 months, and 21 days ago, yet he was still surprising her.

“What?” Liz’s voice came on the line.  “What did you say, mom?”

Kathy hadn’t realized that Liz had answered.  The background noise on her end almost drowned out her daughter’s voice.

“Hi, honey,” Kathy said, raising her voice to be sure Liz could hear her.

There was a muffled sound and Kathy could picture Liz moving the phone to her other ear and pulling her dark blonde hair into a twist on the other side.  It was something Liz had always done when she was on the phone.  The thought made Kathy miss her daughter even more.  Would Liz still have the same mannerisms?  Kathy could barely remember the last time she had spent any stretch of time with Liz that wasn’t a short stopover visit.

“I was just calling to check in on you guys.  How’s the storm?  Has it hit yet?” Kathy tried to keep her voice upbeat.  The kids couldn’t control the weather, she reminded herself.  Her disappointment would only make them feel worse.

“Shut up,” Liz said loudly.  “Sorry, mom.  Carter’s being a jerk even though he refuses to speak on the phone.  Yea, the storm is on and raging.”  Liz pulled the phone back from her mouth and the sound became muffled as she covered the receiver with her hand.  “The phone lines have been cutting in and out,” she explained as the background noise grew louder. 

Kathy’s stomach clenched.  She knew they would be fine staying with Jake’s family.  His father worked as a navy pilot and his mother was a flight attendant.  They did pretty well for themselves, so Carter and Liz would certainly not be put out.  The Crawleys were excellent hosts the two times Kathy had visited.

“I just wanted to check in on you.”  Even as she said it, she thought she sounded pathetic.  Just.  She hated using that word.  But she did want to check on them.  She hated spending this time apart.  And the winter was always hard, especially alone.  But they weren’t alone, she had to remind herself.  Both Carter and Liz had found great partners and were happy.  Partners aside, the happiness piece was all a mother could hope for.  But she wanted to share in that happiness, hopefully in person.  But not this year. 

“I was thinking about trying to book a beach trip.  Maybe you could see if Jake and Van would be interested?”

Liz huffed in irritation.  “Carter, stop.  Mom, sorry.  I’ve got to go.  I’ll call you once the storm lets up a bit and it isn’t so loud.”  She emphasized the last word and Kathy knew Liz was directing it to Carter.        

“Alright, honey.  Stay safe and warm!”  But the phone had cut out before she had finished speaking.  She clutched at the baby blankets.  How was it possible that her babies were grown up now?  She pressed the soft fabric to her face.  She knew she was imagining it, but she could swear she smelled that fresh baby smell you only get with a newborn. 

When she pulled up the blankets, it revealed exactly what she was expecting.  The Fox Family Pizza Friday Funbook.  Dave had named it.  He had spent too long looking up synonyms for pizza to try and find something else that started with an “F”, but no luck.  He had even looked into other languages, but the word “pizza” is almost universal.  Spelling difference aside, if you say pizza anywhere in the world, they will likely know what you’re talking about.

She picked up the book gingerly from where it sat.  Pizza Fridays had started when Liz was three and Carter had just started walking.  Exhausted from constantly cooking and cleaning, Kathy had suggested that they start just ordering pizza on Fridays.  She bought a stack of paper plates and solo cups and stored them on the top shelf in the cabinet.  On Fridays, Dave would pick up a large cheese pizza.  As the kids grew, Liz would set the table with the finest of paper china, Carter would lay out napkins, and Kathy would pour herself an overfull glass of wine.  And Pizza Fridays became everyone’s favorite dinner of the week.

But once the kids were older, Dave decided he could make a better pizza than the takeout place they always got.  And thus the Fox Family Pizza Friday Funbook came to be. 

The first time Kathy came home from a long day of work to Dave, Liz, and Carter up to their elbows in rapidly expanding pizza dough, she just poured two glasses of wine and sat on the couch to watch with a glass in each hand. 

This was the first of many experiments in the kitchen that they documented.  Liz had misread the directions and thought the dough needed 1 cup of yeast instead of 1 tablespoon.  They didn’t make that mistake again, especially once Kathy joined them to make it a full family affair. 

Kathy flipped ahead and saw the first photo they had captured of their adventures.  Carter was 12 and they had decided to make their own homemade sauce.  Carter had been leaning over the pot as the first big sauce bubble popped and covered his face.  Liz had the camera at the ready and captured his owlish expression perfectly as he wiped the sauce from his eyes.  Dave and Kathy were in the background, clutching each other and laughing.  That moment still made Kathy grin.  While Carter looked so peeved, Kathy stared at herself and Dave.  The fierce glint in his eye was ever present, but she saw something in herself too.  If Carter had his way, he would have quit right then.  And Dave had never been one to push.  But Kathy wasn’t so easily cowed.  She plunged forward with every new pizza task like a knight slaying a dragon.  She had purpose.  Sure, there had been mishaps plenty of times, but she was the one who had kept things together.  She could see that better now and it came through clearly in the photo. 

She smiled to herself as she took the book with her out to the kitchen.  The photos, stories, and recipes recounting nearly two decades of their kitchen experiments became more in-depth until she came to the final entry.  It was the last Pizza Friday of 2019.  And it was the last Pizza Friday period.  And that was what hurt.  Because even more than the ball drop, what Kathy wanted was to have another end of the year Pizza Friday.  She had all of the supplies ready in the fridge.  She had picked up the cheese, dough, sauce, and toppings two days ago before the flight was cancelled.  Now she was set to spend the rest of winter break on her own and there was no way she could eat everything she had bought.

She put the kettle on for hot chocolate.  A snowstorm just wasn’t complete without a steaming mug, whipped cream, and marshmallows, even if you had to drink it alone.  Maybe she would see if Andrew was around.  Maybe he would take some of her pizza supplies so they wouldn’t go to waste.  She didn’t think she could bring herself to actually make a pizza with another man.  Was it still too soon?  Dave would have wanted her to be happy, right? 

That last Pizza Friday had been the memory her future nostalgia brain center needed.  As she remembered it, the soft glow of the candles and fireplace were still so present.  The smell of fresh cookies and Italian seasoning somehow worked together.  Liz and Carter had agreed to wear the matching family sweaters she had picked out for them, and it was picture perfect.  Literally.  Dave had insisted on setting up a tripod and taking a picture of the whole family with the completed pizza as the focal point. 

Kathy closed her eyes and recalled that day so vividly.  It was so vivid, she could almost hear Carter and Liz laughing.

The front door banged open.  Kathy jumped; she had been so fixated on the memory that she hadn’t realized the voices weren’t a memory at all.

“Ugh, it’s really coming down out there.”  Carter stomped into the house, banging his boots in the entry way.  “Mom- we’re home!”

Kathy jumped to her feet, hardly able to believe what she was seeing.  Somehow, despite the precipitation sleeting down from the sky, her kids were here.  Carter was dressed in head to toe black and was somehow covered in snow.  Liz wore a teal peacoat and looked like she had just stepped out of an upscale winterwear catalog.   

“Surprise,” Liz said and held out her arms.  Her blue eyes, Dave’s eyes, shone with satisfaction.

Kathy felt tears start to slide down her cheeks.  Her kids were here.  They were here.  She ran to Liz and wrapped her in an embrace.  She hooked her arm around Carter and pulled him in too.

“Mom,” he groaned, but embraced her back.  He tried to disentangle himself from her, but she was holding on too tight.  Liz knew better.  Liz squeezed right back and let Kathy decide when it was time to let go. 

“How?” Kathy said, stepping back.  It was then that she noticed Jake and the boy who must be Van out on the walkway as the snow drove down.  “Come in, come in.”  She gestured them into the house.  Jake had a precarious pile of suitcases stacked on his lap, but he managed to jump the single step with his wheelchair without anything falling.  Liz blew him a kiss and he winked back at her, a flirtatious smile playing across both of their faces. 

Liz hooked her arm through Kathy’s and pointed Jake to the back bedroom to unload.  “Jake, of course,” she answered simply.  “When we couldn’t get a flight out, Jake called in a few favors and got us this.” 

She pointed out the window where a monstrous Hummer was obscured by the swirling snow.  “He still had a bunch of friends from his racing days, so we were able to borrow this, get it set up, and make the trip.”

Carter edged in and took his mother’s other arm.  Where Liz was all Dave, Carter was all Kathy.  His dark features and hair easily played into his black-on-black ensemble.  And if Kathy wasn’t mistaken, he was wearing some dark eyeliner.  It looked amazing and really suited him.  She said so and he flushed. 

“Mom, this is Van.  Well, Donovan Kiley.” He started to recite Van’s resume including his major, where he was from, his blood type, but Van stepped forward to cut him off.

“It’s great to meet you, Mrs. Fox.”  He reached forward to shake her hand.  “If you are anything like your son, I’m sure you’ll quickly become one of my favorite people.”

“Charmer,” Liz said with clear fondness.

Jake rolled back into the room.  “Kathy, it’s great to see you again.”  Jake had been with Liz for nearly 5 years now, so he had known Dave.  Kathy was sure that without Jake there as support, Liz would have never gotten through the death of her father.  She would have loved him just for that, but it was so clear how much he adored Liz.  The way he looked at her daughter reminded her of the way Dave used to look at her. 

“I heard there would be pizza?” he asked, looking up at Liz. 

Liz squeezed her mother’s arm.  “Of course.  It’s the last Friday of the year.  We can’t ring in the new year without a Pizza Friday!”

Everyone trooped into the kitchen, but Carter held back. 

“Mom?”

Kathy turned from the parade to her son.  He toed the dark tile nervously.  While Liz had always been open with her emotions, Carter was more guarded.  She had worried more about him than Liz.  Liz had Jake and a great group of friends to help her.  Carter had kept to himself over the years, even more so since his father died.  But it seemed like Van had been helping Carter open up.  

Grief didn’t just go away, but she wasn’t sure how to help Carter.  Two years later and there were still times that Kathy would wake up and roll over in bed to tell Dave about a weird dream.  It hit her every time she touched the cold pillow that he wasn’t there, and he wasn’t coming back. 

Carter exhaled and started rummaging in his messenger bag.  “I know I don’t talk to you about it much,” he started, looking down into his bag.  “But I know how hard it’s been since Dad died.  I can see how well you’ve been holding things together and I wanted to give this to you.”  He pulled a wrapped package from his bag. 

“This is something Dad gave me a few years ago and said to ‘look for your mother’ in it.  I finally read it and he was right.”  He gulped and Kathy could feel a lump growing in her throat.

She unwrapped the package.  It was a book, one she had seen Dave reading so much that it had a permanent spot on his nightstand.

“There is a character in here who is so much like you.  She is strong, and brave, and she holds it all together when it seems like everything is falling apart. That’s you, Mom.  You’re such a crucial part of everything we do, but it’s okay to not be alright all the time.” 

His dark lashes fluttered as he met her eyes.  “It took a while for me to figure it out for myself, but I can’t keep living in the past and wishing for more time with dad.  I hope you can read this and see what Dad saw, and what I still see.”

She held the book in her hands, unsure of what to say.  She had no idea how observant Carter had been.  She put her arms out and to her surprise, he stepped into them for a tight embrace.

“I love you, C.  Thank you,” she whispered in his ear.  She squeezed and he clutched back, needing the contact more than Kathy had realized. 

The doorbell rang.  Carter and Kathy let go.  Liz and the boys peeked around from the kitchen. 

“Who would be here now?” Liz asked loudly. 

The wind roared and the sound of sleet lashed against the windows.  It wasn’t yet sunset, but the clouds had darkened the sky so much that it easily could have been night.  The heat had kicked on twice already as the temperature dropped.  Anyone would have to be crazy to be out in the storm. 

The doorbell rang again and Kathy dashed to open it up.  On the front stoop, cold and covered in snow, stood Andrew Kensington, her neighbor.  

“Hi, Kathy.  I wanted to come over to check-“ Andrew peered into the house.  “Oh.  I didn’t realize you had company.”  His cheeks flushed, but not from the cold as he caught sight of everyone.

 He cleared his throat and pushed the dark hair plastered to his forehead out of his eyes.  “I wanted to check on you to make sure you were doing okay in the storm and that you didn’t need anything.”

Liz slid forward.  “Hi Mr. Kensington.  That’s so thoughtful of you.  We’re about to make pizza.  Do you want to join us?”

Andrew looked a bit flustered but nodded at the invitation.  He stepped over the threshold and started speaking with Liz and Jake as he removed his coat.

Carter grabbed Kathy’s hand.  “It’s about to be a new year, Mom.  Time to look ahead to new things.”